Confusions of confused royalty

i’m an heir by default

the end 6 June 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — fraguta @ 12:45 pm

so, i have now graduated college. what does that mean? it means a new blog! oh, yea! 

go if you want to keep reading about/by me ^_^


beginning in an end 6 May 2009

Filed under: change,Christianity,life,questions,school,thoughts — fraguta @ 9:17 pm

well…i’m almost done with college. yep. me: a college graduate. who would’a thunk it?

this is the first opportunity in my life for a start. after i graduated from high school, i went directly into college and had NO idea what i was getting into. i had planned on attending the University of Hawai’i Manoa (i had sent for the application and everything) when my parents approached me with a different plan: go to the college where my dad works to get my “pre-reqs” out of the way for cheap and then go the following year. ok. i was up for that. i might like to get some Bible learning, too. so i applied, very late, to this “bible college”. surprise to me: i was accepted (even though i was over four months past the application deadline). so off i went to bible college, and boy was i in for a shock.

i had only become a Christian not long before i started college, maybe 1.5 years, so there was little outside of my Charismatic church experience that i knew about christianity. i had only read Esther and Ruth from the Bible, for goodness-sake. right away i was thrown into the community that is the school i am graduating from. my dorm section ended up being a very close-knit group of girls who, in the very first weekend, went to the Oregon Symphony’s Riverfest concert with our brother dorm section. i was completely out of my element. i rode on public transit for one of the first handful of times in my life, i was hanging out with people outside of a school’s campus (and it wasn’t a school event, either). nearly everyone was older than me (the only exception being my roommate) and, i think, all of them were extroverted and happy. here i was, little 18-year-old me in my style that belonged back in middle school (i didn’t know how to express myself very well and i had never bought any of my clothes by myself…my style consisted of: jeans, men’s tennis-shoes, large men’s hoodies, and a pony-tail). i had never been anywhere without my parents. i had no idea what to do. i was completely overwhelmed. i was ecstatic.

i was interacting and having fun with 20 people i didn’t know, half of which were very flirtatious boys. i was listening to symphony music (my favorite) at the waterfront (somewhere i had only been a handful of times) with people who were fast becoming my friends. it was wonderful. i don’t remember what songs were played (except for Overture 1812, which they play every year with canon blanks for the finale) and i don’t remember leaving. but i do remember joking with the guys, laughing with the girls, and having the best time of my life. literally. i thought, “this is the best. i am embarking on adulthood and it’s GREAT!” and it was great, but i was oh, so wrong. i had not embarked on adulthood. i had merely felt the breeze quite a distance from the ocean.

that first year of college was bothe the most challenging and most laid-back of my life, to that point. i had no idea how to study, which was a problem, but i had a large group of friends who were always available for me to hang-out with (in the dorms only, of course). i skipped classes for the first time in my life (which i now reflect on as dumb because i was finally paying for education and i was missing great chunks of it), i studied for the first time in my life (no joke), i made friends on my own for the first time in my life (no joke), and i started reading the bible for the first time in my life…and i liked it. all of it. it was great. true, i went home every weekend so that i could do laundry and go to church with my parents. but i really thought that i was an adult. in many aspects i was, too. but for the most part i had no idea what responsibility or independence were.

i also had my first job that year. a whopping 5 hours a week at minimum wage grading for my father. woot. i really thought i was going forward in life. i had a job (so i thought), i was living on my own (so i thought), i was making GREAT friends (so i thought), and i was a year of college down. life was GOOD! …that is except for my roommate situation. she and i had a grand falling-out that seemed to be broadcast to a wide range of people and was brought to a conclusion when her NEW roommate told me what room they would be sharing the next semester….oh. yea. my roommate had not told me that she was leaving. oops. well, it ended neutrally eventually.

so i embarked on to the first summer of college. i needed a job and, for the first time in my life: someone wanted me. during high school i put out hundreds of applications (not kidding, here. the summer between my junior and senior year i put out over 100 applications and followed up for weeks on most of them….no dice) but no one had even called me back for an interview or so much as to tell me that the position had been filled. this summer was different. i put in an application and the next week i had a job! i was ecstatic (do you see a pattern here?). a real job! ooo! this was no paltry 5 hour a week turkey. i was full-time, baby. 40 hours a week of commercial painting and maintenance at my college. boy howdy, you don’t know physical labor until you have to carry two 10-gallon drums of paint across a soccer field and paint a non-ventilated apartment in 104 degree, 90% humidity weather. WHOO! that was definitely a REAL job. i got up every morning at 6:30, went to work and got off at 3:30pm. i think that i painted every building on the campus and every apartment complex/dorm owned by the school. that was hard. but oh, so rewarding. $1000 a month for talking to friends and listening to music while doing physical labor was PERFECT. i was so happy (albeit tired).

so i embarked on my second year of college….what’s that? what did you say? did i go to Hawai’i? oh…no. no, i didn’t. after i started at my bible college i completely shunned my earlier dream of become a scientist and decided to complete my education at Multnomah Bible College. i figured: why ruin a good start? i had friends and knew a bunch of the professors. i was comfortable. so, of course, my life was turned on its head. i was accepted to become a part of a team called WorldSeen. it’s a program run by a professor that makes 7 hour presentations to churches and schools about world-views, modernism/postmodernism, and the Church’s/christians’ role to the world. you might think that this is a really dumb group trying to give evangelism tools to white, home-school, rich kids and wealthy churches. you may have even seen some of those groups/presentations before. WorldSeen is SO different, though. it really is hard hitting and gritty. we talked about eating disorders, self-mutilation, drug use, abusive/broken families, war, government, science, atheism (fairly), spiritualism (fairly), postmodernism and modernism, and about where the Church is failing…miserably. the reason it takes 7 hours is because WorldSeen calls upon its members to share personal stories about all of the aspects covered in the presentation, it contains multiple skits (some written by team-members), and it contains poems, real interviews, and movie/documentary clips from real movies (like Garden State and Bowling for Columbine) that illustrate how different world-views view aspects of life/death/reality/etc. joining this team and getting into the presentation brought out awfulness in my life.

i began a very dark journey that lasted for the better part of two years; the effects of which i am still reeling and recovering from. now i was an adult. is that what it meant? to go through awful life experiences that there is no way of escaping from? i suppose it is. adulthood means that you don’t run from  your problems and the difficult situations of life, but that you face them and all of their ugly consequences. daisies and rainbows don’t make up the majority of adult life (not that they make up the majority of childhood, either). pain and suffering do. it’s what you do with that pain and suffering that determines what kind of adult you become.

so. i’ve been through trauma. i’ve been through darkness. i’ve traveled out of the country (woot!) and inside of it (does Idaho count as travel? hahaha). i’ve paid bills and lived in apartments. i’ve made friends and lost them. i’ve counseled and been counseled. i’ve been told to find myself and to find Christ. i’ve discovered that i have opinions that are utterly separate from family, parents, and even friends. i have had gloriously Aced classes and utterly Failed them. and, now, i have graduated from college.

this is an end.

an end to all that i have known and an end to all that has been. there is no going back (not that i would want to), there is only going forward. so, it is a beginning in an end.

….what do i do? i have no intention of pursuing a career based on the diploma that i will receive in a week. Bible/Theology and Psychology are not on the radar of possible job opportunities for me. i, also, have no intention of pursuing more schooling right away. so. what do i do?

that is the great question. and here is the great answer: i don’t know. i know that i will take this next year off of school. i know that i will acquire a job (most likely Starbucks because they have health insurance, which i need). i know that i will live with my parents for an indefinite amount of time. and i know that i will attend 4 weddings and participate in 1 in May. other than that, my life is open. i have turned the last page on my college chapter; the last chapter in the book of my childhood. that book has ended. now i am beginning a new book: the book of my adulthood and all of the pages are blank. i’ve dipped the quill and have poised my hand over the first, spotless page. what will be written? i’m not sure. but i hope that it’s interesting.


lent is upon me…. 24 February 2009

Filed under: change,Christianity,life,LOVE,questions,sickness,thoughts — fraguta @ 6:22 pm

well, the season of Lent is about to start (for those of you who don’t know what Lent is a helpful article can be found here: ); tomorrow is Ash Wednesday and, for the first time in my life, i will be attending Mass for it. i am not sure what to expect at this event (although i am sure that a cross of ashes will don my forehead before i leave the chapel) but am excited to experience it. i am not merely going to this event to seem “spiritual” or for the “thrill” of it; i am going because i have a great need, in my life, of repentance. yes, repentance; although i do not mean it in the common use of the word (which is a groveling, pleading asking of forgiveness by someone whom you have wronged). what i mean by “repentance” is: turning. a turning away from my selfishness and sin (although those two words can be synonymous) and a turning towards God.

i need to observe this season of Lent, unlike any other, because i have slipped so far away from the love of my Father and so far into the self-absorption of society (or, “the world” if you so wish). i have gotten to the point where i am no longer connected to my Saviour, Jesus Christ, my Father, the first person of God, or my Helper, the Holy Spirit; i do not pray, i rarely read Scripture unless it is for class, and i have ceased to thank God for the beauty that is Creation or the gifts that i have been given. i feel disconnected and dry; aloof and nervous; sad and so desperately alone. so i will start observing this season of Lent in the best way i know how: by going to Mass on Ash Wednesday.

i know that a large part of my disconnect and troubles has to do with the fact that i have allowed myself to become so distracted by things that, in no way, help me to better understand God, nor bolster my sense of human-ness (which is so often lacking). so i will be giving up all internet access (other than necessary work and school e-mail), which is the main cause of my distraction. in doing this, i hope to fill my sudden influx of “free time” with reflection, learning, and prayer. obviously i will not be very successful at first (i am only too aware of how weak i am and how good my skills of distraction are); but i hope to (over the next six weeks) become better at what it is i should have been doing from the beginning: repenting. i make no effort to persuade anyone of my goodness, righteousness, or self-sacrifice: i know that i am a wicked, evil, self-absorbed creature who thinks better of her own comfort and praise than she does of discovering the (most likely) difficult path God desires for her life. i know certain things that i am to do, but i am in no position to bring those things to fruition (as i am so wickedly evil and self-centered). with this season of Lent, a season of fasting from what i most desire, i hope to come to know what God desires.

no, this one, short season will not make me perfect, it will not make me righteous to completely follow the will of God with no reservations; but i hope for it to put me back on the path where there is light. i hope to see the lamp at my feet and to stay with it (this time). i need to apply myself, to pay attention to what i am doing and to stay away from what i should not be doing. i hope to stretch myself, grow my spirit, and strengthen my love with God. my Lover is calling me, i must turn now.


angles and sin 18 February 2009

Filed under: change,Christianity,life,questions,thoughts — fraguta @ 11:44 am

a couple things are going into this post:

the first is something that i have often been tormented with and was smacked in the face with on Valentine’s Day (which, by the way, i find to be a fake holiday and believe that there should not be ONE day of the year that is romantic, arbitrarily, but that true romance comes from spontaneity–just look at how hard people try to surprise their significant others on Valentine’s Day–and not schedualed holiday events….moving on). i was with a group of friends playing Apples-to-Apples (it’s a card game that is very fun–if played correctly–but how it is played is not really important at the moment) when one of my friends played a card that basically said ‘women are curvy’ to which she added “Real women have curves”….as i was the only girl present that does not have curves i immediately lowered my head and pouted. at first i was simply doing this jokingly, but was suddenly surprised to find myself tearing up (no i did not cry…i hid my tears and laughed it off so as to not ruin everyone else’s night). i am sick of these kind of statement: “real women have curves” or “real men don’t cry” or whathaveyou. all these statements do is make those who do not fit into them feel that they have been ostracized.

my main issue with “real women have curves” is that i do not have curves, i have angles. i have always had angles (you should have seen me in middleschool: i was a twig with hands, feet, and a head), and i do not regret this. i have been tormented about my lack of “curvaceousness” from outside and from in my entire life. in the media and entertainment industry (from which every teenage American girl gains her knowledge of “pretty” and “attractive”) blares out that “thin is in” and “skinny is pretty,” posing anorexic (or at least anorexic looking) and über thin women (who can probably never have children or get themselves out of bed in the morning) as the models for everyone to strive for. while in everyday interactions thin women are seen as “fake,” “bitchy,” and “cold” and as being “unhealthy” and/or “unhappy.”  why is it that women who are naturally thin are seen as “not women” in real life and women who are naturally “curvy” are seen as “ugly” in media/entertainment/spotlight? this whole denying of reality seems to be what is actually unhealthy.

so, i am thin, i have curves in places that i shouldn’t (like the fact that my elbows bend backwards ^_^), but i am just as much woman as someone who is soft and curvy…no, that sounds like i am justifying my thin-ness…hmm, how shall i say this?…women of curves and women of angles are bothe women. end of story. so stop telling me that i’m not a woman, damn it!

ok. so the other thing that this blog is about is lent. no, i’m not Catholic, but i am a Christian. the first time that i had ever heard about lent was two years ago and, because i wanted to fit in with my “more spiritual” friends, i gave up coffee and myspace and…something else i don’t remember. anyway, i basically gave up things that i was regularly doing just because i wanted to be like the other people around me….bad idea. i did not learn anything and it did not bring me any closer to God because my heart was not in what i had given up. last year i skipped lent altogether (i think…last year was pretty much a blur). so this year i have decided to follow lent for real: i want a closer relationship with my Father-God. being at a bible college has really brought a downer on my  new faith (i’ve only been a Christian for about 6 years and four of those years have been in bible college…lame). we study so much theology and use the bible like a text book that God starts to be a thing that i have studied and his Scripture has become a literary book that i look for connections and themes in.

i am frustrated beyond belief about this, and am determined to get past my “dry” place so that i can actually live in relationship with my Saviour (yes, i know you might me thinking, “what a dork (or something stronger). God doesn’t exist” or whatever. ok. i feel you. but i know he exists because of my conscience, experience, and observant (rational) knowledge. k. so, no comments about how dumb i am. thanks. moving on.

so, this year i have decided to give up the thing that has the biggest hold on my life: internet. i am really nervous about this move because i am on the internet (like now) most of the day. i am often up later than i should be playing and blogging, avoiding homework (like now), and otherwise not engaging with what i should be engaging. so, starting next wednesday i will cut out internet (other than necessary school/work e-mailing) for 6 weeks (a little longer than lent really is because most people don’t include the Sundays in their fasting). it will be extremely hard…and i’m sure that i’ll go through a period of withdrawals. but i hope that it will make me a better student (i’ll actually do my homework on time), a better person (i’ll get more sleep and hopefully read more books), and a better heir to the King (yes, that is why my blog is called what it is) because i might actually read my bible for me (and not for class).

so, next week will be the start of something very difficult for me; i will embark where i have never: into a land without manga, neopets, facebook, blogging, googling, youtube, and image searches. all i need is some patience, a will to do it, and (unfortunately) someone to keep me accountable to my fasting. *deep breath* ok.


blog stats 11 February 2009

Filed under: blogging,life,thoughts — fraguta @ 9:07 pm

it is a very sad fact about my life that i come onto wordpress almost every day to check on my blog’s stats (i.e. how many people have viewed my blog this week). i do this not because “i want my ideas out there”, or because i’m narcissistic, or even because i’m bored (which is entirely possible). i do this because it makes me feel good when i see that people–even people i don’t know–have come to my blog; it means that i am not ignored in the grand scheme of things, that i exist.  how sad is it that i must check my blog stats to validate my existence? i know that this is fairly pathetic and rather disturbing (to psychologists), but true nonetheless.

i don’t know when i started feeling this way, but i can venture to guess it began with the onset of “internet life” for me: meaning when i created a account. i had not really had much access to internet until college (not that i was sheltered, we just couldn’t afford it); and after i did i avoided getting myspace for a while because it was so trendy. but i eventually gave in and was soon hooked into the “internet life”. i am sure that you know what i mean when i say “internet life”, but i will expand upon it anyway: internet life refers to the absorption and obsession with internet relationship sites. these can be as simple as reading a friend’s blog to as complex as having a facebook or myspace account where every aspect of everyone’s life is laid bare for all to see.

back to myspace: having created an account on said site, i soon became entrenched in how many people had viewed my site (i would check this status hourly within a few days of learning of this interesting phenomenon), who of the people i knew had a myspace account, and how many friends i had (and how many friends my friends had). along with these aspects of internet life, of which checking to see how many people had viewed my page was the start of something bad, i discovered that a “top friends” application existed. what people would do is take their top 8 (at the time) friends and put their profile links on their page; this was a ranking system of how close you were to any given person. even though i made fun of this, i was obsessed with it. how high up on a friend’s list did i go? was i even ON their top 8? if i had them higher than me, did that make me seem desperate? how could i get them to place me higher on their list? and of course the inevitable thrill of elated victory when i discovered that i was very high on a close friend’s list or when i had vanquished a foe on a friend’s list. i do not say these things with pride, but so it was.

i received my worth in real life with the results of internet life. and so began the terrible spiral towards dependance upon the internet to tell me how much i mattered. i must admit, that i am still a slave of this torment, today. it is no longer myspace, but the much more revealing site known as facebook. i check this site multiple times an hour (when i have my computer with me) to see if anyone has commented on my status, sent me a message, tagged me in a note, or otherwise interacted with me on the site. if no one has, i have a sudden disappointment: no one cares for me enough to have messaged me. i try to get people to interact with me by posting shocking (i think) status updates, sending them flair, or commenting on a photo or other item that belongs to them. i search out ways to get them to notice me and respond.

(i think) why is it that i am ignored? maybe they don’t think of me as someone to waste precious typing time on. maybe i don’t mean much to anyone. they smile and nod their heads at school (or wherever), but do not bother to think of me outside of when they see me. i must be really pathetic to think that they actually like me. they’re just being polite when they say hello and stop to talk to me. i really am worthless.

and thus, i use the amount of times my blog has been viewed today, this week, this month, this year, to validate my worth. someone thinks my thoughts have worth, at least. someone took the time to read what i had written. i’m not lost in the vastness of nothingness; i have meaning by taking up blog space and someone’s time. even if you are a stranger and you have looked at my page but for a fleeting moment: it’s enough. i do exist and am not ignored on the grand scale; though my part be small and insignificant, i at least have a part.

so please: keep looking at my blog; tell me i exist.


self; expression, that is. 7 February 2009

Filed under: change,Christianity,life,questions,school,thoughts — fraguta @ 2:38 am

about a week-and-a-half ago i wrote an entry about being my weird self. i must admit that it has been difficult to be myself, even though i have realized that i want (and need) to express who i am. i believe that i don’t fit into standards and stereotypes (not many people do in the later), and that can throw people off. i know that i have been butting heads with a certain gentleman at my school and, the sad part is, i am questioning myself and my opinions because of what he is saying. this is not the type of questioning that leads to a greater understanding of life, moral principles, knowledge, or doctrine; this is the type of questioning that leads to a greater questioning of myself as a person. am i wrong in not conforming because conservative people think that i’m crazy? i feel like i’m being damned for even suggesting that different opinions exist on “long held” conservative views. this person is someone that i am in constant contact with (i meet with him once a week) because we are in a group together (for a class). the worst part about this is: the group is specifically made to discuss theological doctrine and write concise statements about the topics (doctrinal statements). having only written one statement so far, i am already done with the pointless arguing. i have my opinion and he has his: we are free to write dissents from what is the consensus.

the point is not that we are arguing; the point is that i am feeling like i cannot express myself, that i am wrong to express my opinion because it is different. where is the balance? i want to be true to myself and true to what i have discovered (because i believe it is right), but i don’t want to make people angry or upset. i strive for resolution in all things (which may be a ridiculous goal). maybe i need to take to heart what one of my professors keeps saying about theological and philosophical theories: live in the tension. i am not afraid to say that head knowledge can be unreconcilable, that there are certain principles that will forevermore remain a mystery (at least to me), but i struggle with letting interpersonal relationships retain that stress. of course i realize that the whole world is not lovey-dovey, sunshine, and roses; but it is difficult for me to feel comfortable when there is a strain between people. i am always seeking for that place where there is the calm, the peace after the storm (not the false calm before or the eye of the hurricane).

this creates problems with my self expression. i am a very awkward person (and proud of it), but my awkwardness often causes others to question my sanity and the soundness of my reasoning skills. no, i do not make big decisions about philosophical and theological principles off the cuff or on the fly: i have carefully thought out my positions and am aware of the differing opinions (or at least that there ARE major differences of opinion). but i cannot find that “balance” even though i am the middle. i am not a radical anything; i’m not a rightist, hard-ass, nor am i a leftist, communist (yes, these are stupid stereotypes used by the opposing sides because they are afraid of the others and want to cause distrust for their “enemies”). i am a moderate: a liberal conservative, a conservative liberal. i’m not even registered with any political party: i’m officially unaffiliated. i have been called a hippie (not kindly), a “demi” (derogatory term for a democrat), an ignorant, religious bastard, and a closed-minded fool (or was it ignoramus?). i am radical because i do not choose sides.

yes: i’m a professing, Jesus following Christian who wants to save the environment, fight global warming, build a better relationships with my God (Father) and Saviour (Son), spread awareness of the horrors that are animal abuse and nature bashing, as well as spread a respect for our fellow human beings (like i stated in my blog entry “humanist”). i go to a conservative Bible College (which i love to pieces) and i delve deeply into philosophy (which is SO much fun and SO incredibly stimulating) and i often ponder theological truths (and questions).i am a paradox, by society’s standards. am i not allowed to be myself? can i not express what is the result of my experiences and the essence of who “me” is? where is the balance?


humanist 1 February 2009

Filed under: life,sex,thoughts — fraguta @ 9:26 pm

ok, so i’m not a hard-core feminist (i promise), but what the heck is up with people? i was just on scoring some t-shirt designs and i saw one that was called “the kraken feeds on virgins”. first of all: what the heck?! who thinks up something like that? and second, why, of all whys, are all the virgins naked and women?! seriously. it seems like every time i see a drawing or read a description about “virgins” it’s naked women. are MEN never virgins? that’s dumb. are virgins never clothed? they wouldn’t stay virgins long if they were always naked. i don’t understand this obsession with sex. don’t get me wrong, i think about sex a lot; but i’m not obsessed. it seems like the world has begun to revolve around sex: who’s having it (and who’s not) and who are they having it with. i don’t care if the person is homosexual, heterosexual, pansexual, transexual, metrosexual, or bi-curious: all i hear about, read about, or see in art is sex. is it really necessary to subject humans to such degrading material? i realize there are differences of taste and opinion when it comes to “tastefulness” and “tackiness”, but, it seems to me, that there is a certain amount of dignity in being clothed.

i’m not going to say that nudity is “icky” or “wrong” (in fact i think that it can be an extremely beautiful situation); what i am saying is that i think that the obsession with nudity and sex over the past years has come to the point where neither of them is beautiful or sacred in media. instead of being a sensitive, vulnerable thing, nudity is now raunchy and twisted. i realize that i have a very different position (no pun intended) on nudity than most other people (i thought that the half-naked oracle in 300 was extremely tasteful and beautiful and that sex videos of celebrities are completely out of place in any form of society), and that is the problem. i am SICK of half-naked women plastered on bill-boards and magazine covers. i am SICK of people praising Hugh Hefner or his “entrepreneurial” abilities. i am SICK of “sex scandals” and pornography. the human body is no longer a sacred vessel and a thing to be treasured (meaning kept private) and has now become a slab of meat to be used for someone else’s “entertainment” (i couldn’t bring myself to say pleasure here).

this regression of respect for the human body has caused us (who are humans…you DO remember that, don’t you?) to see other people as means for self-satisfaction. that naked man or woman is no longer a human being, s/he is now an object of gratuitous self-indulgence. when you start seeing people as means for your own self-enjoyment, you cease seeing them as persons; they are now one-dimensional objects, void of emotions (other than pleasure that you are pleased), lacking personality (other than the one that you dole out to them), and without self-will (doing whatever it is you bid them to do). no matter how “consensual” someone is to having their naked body displayed for all and anyone, it is never alright to subject a person to something as degrading as dehumanizing them. yes: i believe that public nudity is dehumanizing; just as telling homosexual couples that they cannot marry dehumanizes them, just as saying that a baby is a “fetus” and therefore worthy of the trash dehumanizes them. not only do these actions dehumanize those subjected to them, it dehumanizes you (albeit rather slower). you, now, have become an object: all you are is a vessel for self-pleasure without regard for your fellow human being.

how is it that we have come this far?! i was reading an ethic’s/philosophy book (Relativism: Feet Firmly Planted in Mid-air) yesterday that described a true event that i believe illustrates my point fairly well: (continuing on from other, more disturbing descriptions) “Even more sobering is how America responded when art when on trial in a Cincinnati courthouse. At issue was an exhibit in the Contemporary Art Center of the work of Robert Mapplethorpe, a talented photographer who had distinguished himself with, among other things, still life photography of flowers. The photographs on display included the following: a picture of a ten-year-old girl sitting in a chair with her knees up and genitals exposed; a photograph of a man who was naked except for cowboy boots, bent over with a bull-whip in his anus; and a shot of one man expelling a stream of urine into the mouth of another. The museum was charged with exhibiting pornography. During the trial, a curator of another museum who testified on behalf of the Mapplethorpe exhibit was asked if the urination picture was art. ‘Yes,’ she said. ‘Is it fine art?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘Why?’ ‘Because of the composition and the lighting.’ Each photograph was acquitted of the charge of pornography and judged as fine art, after which social commentator and radio talk-show host Dennis Prager observed, ‘Ladies and gentlemen, if some of the leading artists in a civilization see a man urinating in another man’s mouth and see composition and lighting and do not see their civilization being pissed on, we are in trouble.'”

i agree with Mr. Prager on this point: how can we be so blind? we cannot see the rot that is poking us in the forehead. human life is so little valued. red-light districts and movies such as Hostel and dredge out the horrors that human society holds. how have we come to so little value the life of another? i admit it: i am a Christian and take my view of human existence from that; but even before i was a Christian i saw the value of life (especially human, but animal and plant life almost as high). how CAN one dissociate the other being one is subjecting to these horrors so far from oneself? can people be so diluted as to not even have a flash of understanding that the subjector could quite easily be the subjectee (which seems the easiest way to dissuade someone from participation and championing an event)? is there not an inkling of recognition that this other could be a loved one (maybe they don’t love….hmm, maybe not) or AT LEAST a fellow human being?

i am baffled at “civilization’s” in-humanity. forget “getting in touch with your inner desires” and get some respect for others. leave your so-called “rationality” behind (and, trust me, i have done my fair share of rational thought) and realize that relationality is the key to humanity. no one is an island unto oneself; everyone relies upon everyone else to survive. get some respect, people.



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